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ZT如何勾引男生

Author Zhou Renjian Create@ 2005-01-27 21:22
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发信人: echolife (echolife), 信区: joke                                                                                
标  题:  ZT如何勾引男生(爆笑,不信你不笑)mm们一定要进来                                                              
发信站: 饮水思源 (2005年01月23日02:38:45 星期天)                                                                       


哪个女子不怀春?万一怀春的你偏偏遇上了木头,那么,一条毛毛虫就可以帮你告诉你心                                         
仪的 GG 你怀春了。                                                                                                     

  第一步:约会时带一毛毛虫,趁他不备时放在地上,惊叫一声,迅速扑到他怀里,侧                                         
低着头,全身发抖,娇喘咻咻,最好再来两句“我好怕!”和“吓死我啦!”之类的废话                                         
。                                                                                                                    
  注意:                                                                                                             
  1、毛毛虫一定要活。以免效果不够逼真                                                                                
  2、惊叫时一定要看看百米之内有无老人和小孩。以免吓坏别人                                                            
  3、扑时一定要瞅准瞄好。以免因激动而扑空或撞到树木、电线杆等障碍物上                                                
  4、抱住后一定要侧低着头。以免他看到你阴谋得逞时脸上皮笑肉不笑的表情,也可使                                        
他看到你如丝般光滑、柔顺的秀发,闻到那上面散发出的淡淡香味                                                             
  5、抱住时一定要抱牢抱紧。以防木头的他真玩勇敢把毛毛虫给踩死了,使你后面的戏                                        
难唱                                                                                                                   

  第二步:感觉抱够了,可深情地看他一眼,两眼、三眼也可以,恋恋不舍地松开手,                                         
忽然愤怒地回过头向毛毛虫走去,抬起脚,不停地踩它。                                                                     
  注意:                                                                                                             
  1、走时挺胸抬头,适当地扭腰摆臀可以使他看出你腰肢的柔软和体态的轻盈。幅度别                                        
太大,以免崴了脚、扭了腰或岔了气                                                                                       
  2、踩时一定要给他侧面。使他可以清楚地看到你婀娜多姿的优美曲线                                                      
  3、别把毛毛虫一下踩死。不停地踩才能使他不停地欣赏你颀长、浑圆的玉腿和光滑、                                        
细小的脚踝,还有你新买的时尚且淫荡的尖尖头皮鞋。穿短裙和长统丝袜时效果绝佳,穿                                         
棉裤和厚底圆头的松糕鞋时就少踩几下,免得让人想到老太太跳舞                                                             
  4、千万别真把毛毛虫给踩死了。因为它后面还有更重要的作用                                                            
                                                                                                                       
  第三步:感觉踩够了,估计他也欣赏够了你优美的曲线和颀长的双腿以及细小的脚踝                                         
和淫荡的尖尖头皮鞋。这时,你可轻轻地蹲下,拿一根小树枝不停地拨弄毛毛虫。                                               
  注意:                                                                                                             
  1、蹲时最好把裙子开叉或领口低垂的一方向着他,使他能够欣赏到你身上某些时隐时                                        
现的部位,穿超短裙和低领的衣服效果更佳                                                                                 
  2、不幸穿了长袖,不妨挽起袖子,以便让他看到你匀称、白皙的手臂和手腕上精致、                                        
廉价(等他给你买昂贵和更精致的)的手链以及涂着丹蔻的纤纤玉手。天若冷,袖子别挽                                         
太高,以不超过胳肢窝为宜,以免受凉                                                                                     
  3、拨拉毛毛虫时要专心,不要去看他,因为这时某些人的眼神可能不怎么对劲                                              
                                                                                                                       
  第四步:估计他看够了想看的东西后来了情绪,你可将剧情推向高潮:趁其不备,将                                         
毛毛虫用树枝挑起来扔向他,转身就跑。                                                                                   
  注意:                                                                                                             
  1、别用手拿毛毛虫。以防受伤。因为它的刺有毒                                                                        
  2、别把毛毛虫扔到他领口里。刺了他是小事,别让他只顾掏毛毛虫而忘了追你                                              
  3、跑时一定要注意速度和姿态。千万别像乔伊娜跑百米那样撒开丫子就跑。一来他可                                        
能追不上,二来姿态不会好看到哪去。要像黑白老电影里的慢镜头一样,边笑边跑边回头                                         
看他,以便掌握好距离。这时,如果跟你出来的不是根真木头或他肩上长的不是块石头的                                         
话,多半会嬉皮笑脸地追你。若他不追,你不妨撒丫子就跑,动作越难看速度越快越好,                                         
一口气跑回家,抽烟喝酒对天发誓:我再也不想看见他了!如果他追你,就别一个劲傻跑                                         
                                                                                                                       
,跑到一处比较平坦的地方后放满脚步,让他轻易地抓住你,然后顺势倒下,倒时别四仰                                         
八叉,有损雅观,跟黄鼠狼晒太阳一样。可半侧半卧,胸脯一边起伏,眼睛一边眨也不眨                                         
                                                                                                                       
地看着他,想一想周润发大叔或F4大哥之类让你来感觉的人。千万别想赵本山大叔和周星                                         
星大哥!以便让他看到你水汪汪的大眼睛和弯弯的长睫毛。然后,你的嘴动上几下,以便                                         
让他注意到你潮湿、润泽、像初绽玫瑰花瓣一样娇艳欲滴的双唇。这时,如果他是一个生                                         
理正常的男人,多半会吻你。如果他把你从地上扶起,拍拍你身上的土,还向刚来时一样                                         
,你完全有理由吐他一脸,转身回家,话都不要跟他说。                                                                     
                                                                                                                       
  第五步:如果他吻了你,如果你还想再发生点什么的话,不妨趁热打铁,提出去你家                                         
或他家或宾馆,人烟稀少的荒郊野外也是可以。                                                                             
  注意:                                                                                                             
  1、在野外别到太偏僻的地方。以防碰到流氓后,叫天天不应,叫地地不灵,叫他他给                                        
跑了                                                                                                                   
  2、在可能有外人出现的地方,别让小孩和老人看见。以免给小孩幼小的心灵蒙上阴影                                        
,让老人触景生情,回忆起那年那月那些甜蜜抑或苦涩的往事                                                                 
  3、在家里别过于放肆,得提放着家人。以免被逮住后泼盆凉水,棒打鸳鸯,误了好事                                        
                                                                                                                       
  4、在宾馆须速战速绝,得提防警察叔叔。以免被抓去搞了创收,被父母或老师从派出                                        
所往外领人怪难看的                                                                                                     
  5、如果这时天黑了,得提放附近有无游荡的野狗。以免太过投入,被它冷不丁咬上一                                        
口                                                                                                                     
                                                                                                                       
  第六步:表演到此,如果他还跟刚来时一样,只有你一人在表演。那么不妨抬起手腕                                         
 看看表,抬头看看天,然后看着他那死鳖样说:“时间不早了,我得回家!”或“其实你                                        
这人挺不错的,但是,我们不适合在一起!”等废话;如果这时他已经像口黏痰一样粘住                                         
你了,也不妨把他推开,说:“我没想到你这么坏!”或“你可要对我负责!”之类更废                                         
的话。既玩了浪漫,又扮了纯情。                                                                                         
  注意:                                                                                                             
  1、无论他是死鳖还是黏痰,你都要将他打发开一会。以便找到刚才扔掉的毛毛虫或重                                        
新再逮一只,以备下次再用                                                                                               
  2、同一只毛毛虫在同一人身上不可反复使用,可变化大小或颜色                                                          
  3、在找不到毛毛虫的情况下,用蟑螂和屎壳郎之类的小爬虫代替也可。勿用小鱼小虾                                        
或小蝴蝶小蜻蜓之物代替,以免你大惊小怪时让人怀疑你的神经。最好不要用老鼠和蛤蟆                                         
之物代替,虽然大惊小怪的效果好些,但不便携带,也影响心情                                                               
  ……                                                                                                               
  好了,下课!下一节是实验课,请同学们多多实习,细细体会,慢慢享受,不懂之处                                         
  1、来时看看门口有无毛毛虫。有,请稍后再来                                                                          
  2、必须敲门喊报告                                                                                                  
  3、办公室租售毛毛虫。租,每条每天五元;卖,每条五十元                                                              
                                                                                                                       
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※ 来源:·饮水思源 bbs.sjtu.edu.cn·[FROM: 202.120.9.50]                                                               

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